We have had our share of major ups and downs, hes cheated and lied alot about major things, but hopefully we are past that- after some hardcore breakups and fights and long major talks, but almost 2 years down the line and I love this man, but somehow i dont feel “in love” with him anymore. I could go on about my business and be fine without him- have my own place again (btw i moved out of the bfs and into my dads for now)- do whatever whenever i wanted again- be creative decorate my own place and be all girly and have things clean again, but… i cant see my life without him- but we already have that bond and could not be “just friends”. I dont know what to do.
i texted him because we have been trying to be more open with eachother and communicate better- but i hate how im always back and forth on our relationship. anyways this is what i said…
” i need you. i need us. i need something more. whatever we are doing isnt working. its like we were dead to eachother this weekend and i felt like i didnt care either way if we were together or not. i love you but im not in love with you which is crazy because i always want you to be in my life. be my love, my everything. help me. help us. i want to be fun and happy again. to flirt and impress eachother instead of being vulgar and bums, i do it too so im not just criticizing you. i love you and we need to make us special again. be the couple people look at and are jealous of because we are so fantastic together. there is no one else after you. idk what to do or what to say. just love me a lil more.”
he is the independent type and lives a town away where he knows everyone and i know not a soul- he likes to leave on a whim and go play with is friends in the garage and drink beer while i stay home with the dog because its a bunch of old dudes and i dont drink, he has kids from a previous relationship with a girl he ended up cheating on me with, and has been married before to another girl and he pined after her while dating me too, which bothers me but i knew he had the previous connections coming into the relationship so i cant turn back and judge against him for it now
but he has been trying lately paying more attention to what i say and actually listening to what i say im feeling instead of just hearing it. hes never been a romantic type and we are broke but like i told him we dont have to have money for you to be sweet and romantic. idk we have just lost the edge and idk if we can ever get it back because sometimes i just feel so indifferent to it all and he has no answers or suggestions to ever help me love him more 
help! and please dont tell me to leave him- it will be a waste of your time because i really do want to make this relationship work but he and i are both at a loss of words. and my heart aches because i miss “US”.
